This Odd Void

As I sit here in the quiet, reminiscing on memories of the past, I’m overtaken by this thunderous jolt in my heart.

You know the jolt. The kind that zaps you with the force of its honesty just to remind you it’s there and it’s not going to go away until you pursue the path it leads you to.

I felt it fervently tugging at my heartstrings, pleading with me to never forget this moment or those thereafter.

It won’t let up. It whispers into my soul and breathes through my spirit, pushing me to relentlessly desire more from life.

It’s something I’ve lived with since I was a little girl. Something I’m unable to put into words clearly but that I feel with every fiber of my existence. I picture it as this black hole, so black and piercingly dark you could get lost in its depths. The blackness will continue to stay unlit as long as I stay unlit.

But the moment I start pursuing what I know I was made to do (writing, obviously 🙄 lol), the blackness fills up with light and the void is filled just for a moment.

Unfortunately, but then again fortunately, it’s never given me true rest. This odd void has followed me throughout every stage of my life, dogging my steps with tenacity. And sometimes I heed its call, but other times I push it back into my subconscious, hoping it will quiet down and give me some rest. For as long as it’s alive within me, I know I’ll never truly be at peace. If I take a break or quit writing for a bit, it fills me up with anxiety and reminds me time will tick faster than I can breathe my next breath and I’ll be that much closer to losing out on the corner my dreams are supposed to reside on if I keep skipping days and making excuses.

It’s a fire inside me that burns me up with passionate desire to see myself walk through life with my dreams in front of me and my fantasies made reality. As long as this feeling stays within me, I know I’ll never truly be happy unless I’m listening to its call.

And so I shall. And I’ll hope and I’ll pray and I’ll keep dreaming my dreams into existence until they’re as tangible as the books on my shelves.

Arise, O passionate dreamers; for this is your moment, the world’s your stage and you’re the master of the craft you choose. Now go out and show the masses what you’re capable of. And don’t you dare, no matter what, quench the thirst of that voice inside you! Perhaps it will be the only voice willing to push you to your happily ever after.


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